growing inside and out

Workout
2X500 in 1:20 sec 3 1/2 minutes rest
2X350 in 16, 32, 48 finish

Tuesday's workout was even harder to finish than Friday and it was the same exact workout. I will admit I wasn't as mentally prepared this week as I was last. I didn't have a great day on and off the track on Monday which bleed through Tuesday. Stress from the classroom and personal issues cluttered my mind and I wasn't as effective in my drive phase, which showed. I constantly got yelled at and asked, "What was wrong with me." I responded, "Nothing, I'm good." Knowing that inside I was fighting. It made me frustrated and impatient and I struggled all practice. Stress won yesterday and got the upper hand, I won't lie to you all.

I vented on Facebook and Twitter. Acting out of anger and resentment. Exposing my former character and potentially destroying my current image I've worked hard to create. All in all I've realized that I'm no leader. I'm just a mam who is taking life and training a day at a time. It's when you stand out that people want you to lead. Inherently, there's nothing wrong with that but when you look behind you and no one's following how can you be an effective leader?

All in all, after the rants, the frustration, the anger, I can say that at the end of the day, the only person I can control is me. I can't place the passion, commitment and determination I have stored up inside of me into someone else. I have come so far to allow such things, people and situations destroy what I have built. We are all individuals first and we make up a whole. Without the individual mental determination of someone to become better everyday in life, the whole is non-existent.

Now today and Wednesday, in two days I will be in Orlando for a leadership conference that will last until Sunday. I am excited to get away from it all. Finally I will be able to clear my mind and recharge. I will still be training and studying for my upcoming midterm on Monday that is contributing to my stress. But I won't complain. God has put me in a great position and given me so many opportunities that I couldn't complain even if I wanted to. All in all, I am growing inside and out. Peeling back the layers, attempting to find out who I truly am. God Bless.

Signing off,

D